Friday, December 30, 2011

New year!

Hello everyone!

Right now I am laying in my bed and thinking to myself why am I still awake.. Tomorrow I will take to train up to Gävle (it is 2 hours from stockholm) and going to stay there for the weekend. I am going to celebrate new years eve with my friend, as I promised her 2 times before, so now it will actually happend.I am super pumped for this! :D
Seriously, need to get out of here from Stockholm for a while, or else I would go completly insane.
I will arrive there tomorrow at five o'clock on the afernoon and will come home the 1st of Januari around same time, wich is also on the afternoon.

Today I was in the city, met up Joen and Folke at first, that was when I bought my tickets. Then we just went and grabbed a cheeseburger (yummy, those damn cheeseburgers always works!) and then we met up Sandra. We walked around, had a good time then I bought this super sexy bra from HM. So did Sandra, so we have the exact same bra, yey.

Anyways, we didn't stay there for long. I came home soon after being in the city and when I got home I tried some diffirent outfits that I was going to wear for the New years. Then I watched tv a little bit, I watched the nature channel and I must admit that I LOVE lions. They are so pretty! *justwannahugthemandsqueezthem*

At 10 in the morning my brother will drop by and leave some stuff also, and he will get his christmas gifts that he still haven't picked up. So it would be nice so see my older brother again, kinda missed him, it was a long time since I saw him. :(

Well, I better go off to bed now cause I got a long day. Btw, I noticed that I got some diffirent readers from diffirent countries, but mostly from Russia. That is kinda cool, have to admit it to myself, that I got you readers from other countries, it is great actually to see that! :D

Hope you get a great New year and I will write soon when I get home again. <3
I love lions, isn't this the cutest picture ever?!? <3

Happy New year to you guys, make sure to party hard and get really drunk!! ;)


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

change the design of the blog?

Well hello!

I thought about changing my design of the blog again.. I think it is quite boring to be honest and I want to have a nice design, not a boring one..

I also thought about changing the header, I dont really look like that, now I got blonde highlights and angelbites, so yeah...

But I am going to figure out something soon enough, I thought about this for a while now so something  should happend soon eventually..

Thats it!


lovely day

Hello everyone!

First of all, wanted to comment on my latest post. I was really upset when I wrote that, and my blog is kind of a diary. I share my feelings. thoughts and plans with you. I am letting you in to my world, showing it to you in a way that I could never do usualy. So everything that I do (well, mostly) I will write it here in my blog. This is the only place that I can put out myself like that and don't feel any regret. I want to show you the real me, and only myself because I do NOT wanna lie and pretend something that I am not to get more visitors.

I am not that type of girl. This is me, this is who I am and my blog is all about it.

ANYWAYS, wanted to tell you about my day. Yesterday I talked to my bestfriend Kimberly, it was a long time ago since we hunged out and I actually missed her, so she didn't have any plans so we grabbed a cup of coffee and talked. I just LOVE to talk to her, she REALLY gets me. It was quite nice actually, just to update on what is going on and what we have missed out on, just having some girly talk. ;)

The thing is, me and her can talk about ANYTHING, and when we have a problem we try our best to get solutions to eachothers problems. It is really great, she is so cleaver, she get some awesome ideas for my problems and issues that I could never think of even small stuff that is obvious, haha.

We go always to our place, Espresso House in Stockholm, in the big city! <3

After that we just walked around in the city with the beautiful christmas lights and decorations, it was soo cozy! <3
We grabbed a bite because we got hungry after walking around and just talking. It was really nice to get some stuff out and just get updated on news and update her with stuff that is going on in my life right now.
She will go on vacation now on Wendsday, she will be away in 2 weeks, gonna miss her though.. :(

Before I went in to the town I went to the post and got my lenses. They are really cool, they look like Twilight lenses, got some pictures for you on how it  looks!

Here they are:

Espresso house<3 (picture is NOT taking by me, just some random from google)

Here is a picture on how it looks like, a close-up!

This one is on me, it was a long time ago since I really took a good photo on me and posted it, so here you go! :)

No photoshop or lighting adjustments, this is how it really actually LOOKS like!

I am off to bed now..


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wanna dissappear sometimes..

People keep telling me to be strong
I tell them that I am 
life has to move on 
I can't be sad all the time and greve 
at the same time when people are telling me to be strong
they complain and say
"you seem to be very happy, you don't look that sad.."
Well, here is the proof for you
I am NOT that strong 
I am NOT always happy 
to be completly honest with you I don't think that I will be ever that happy as I was once
I try to move on
trying so hard
but you will NEVER understand how it feels
unless til' you lose someone that stands you really close
especially when no one in your family understands you
except for this one person
The one person only
My dad..
I miss him so much 
not a day goes by without thinking of him 
but the only memories that haunts me is seeing him dead
laying there ice cold with the most beutiful smile on his lips
burying his body and see my brother carrying him in the chest without showing any emotions..
will ever understand this pain I walk around with all the time
I struggle with these emotions everyday and I don't want to show them either
I am NOT looking for sympathy or anything like that
Just try to understand..
I am not a robot, I do have feelings
But I do not show them, thats all..

Picture taken from yesterday.. Cried in the toilet, didn't wanna ruin christmas for anyone. So I hide, cried, went back with a big smile on my face and a broken heart inside..

Just wanna go, leave everything and never come back..

Friday, December 23, 2011

Wishlist for Christmas!

Hello everyone!

Tomorrow is it Christmas! :D
Now I am on a winterbreak from school, and I have bought Christmas gifts and I bought some stuff for myself as well. Thought that I wanted to share it wiyh you guys. This post is a bit unusual than from the other post here in my blog. I made a wishlist on stuff that I want!

I am soo in love with high heels and shoes for you who doesn't know that already. But these babes are so expensive, they cost over 100 euro each and I dont have those money.. Wish that I was really rich in these moments, lol.

But lets start then:

1. Some random golden glitter shoes from have2have.
2. From
3. Blue bow shoes also from

4. Christian Louboutin, expensive luxury shoes but they are drop dead gorgeous.
5. Christian Louboutin
6. Black pumps, Christian Louboutin
7. Sexy boots, Christian Louboutin
8. Ankle boots, Christian Louboutin
9. Leather ankle boots, Christian Louboutin
10. Stillettos, Christian Louboutin
11. Leather stillettos, Christian Louboutin
12. Glitter pumps, Christian Louboutin
13. Cool black and blue pumps, Christian Louboutin
14. Black and white pattern retro/vintage pumps, Christian Louboutin
15. half leopard and half black ankle boots, dont really remember where I saw them, sorry :(
16. American flag shoes, these ones are really pretty, Jeffrey Campbell

17. Cool design, Christian Louboutin
18. Color splash, love these, Jeffrey Campbell
19. Scotch design with some spikes on the back of the heel, my favorites, could kill for these shoes, Jeffrey Campbell
20. Black and white stripes, Jeffrey Campbell
21. Don't remember the name of the Designer but these shoes are really cute


22. Louis Vuitton
23. White Louis Vuitton
24. Chanel bag, super sexy with chains
25. Cute Louis Vuitton
26. Louis Vuitton
27.Beautiful Louis Vuitton bag
28. Unique Louis Vuitton bag

Saw on Facebook that Skrillex is letting out a new EP, TODAY!!
I want it so badly.. <3

Skillex to the left <3

Here is the eyecontacts that I ordered a couple of days ago. Looking forward to get them soon!

This one is on me! Yes, I was reeaally drunk and I thought that I could give this one for you my beutiful readers<3 To the left is Sandra! :)

This post took a very long time to do. Just the pictures with the bags and shoes took 2 HOURS!!!

But only to make you readers happy. Happy holidays and Merry Christmas!!


Tuesday, December 20, 2011



Sorry for the superslow update but actually I didn't have my computer and I was at home for a while and my computer was in school so I couldn't update. I dont like to blog from others computer because I feel that my blog is very personal and I dont like blogging from others computers..

Anyways, I am at school right now and I am blogging from here. I will take my computer with me when I am going home. Right now I live with my sister, will live there in 3 weeks until my mothers comes back from Germany. Thats why I live there now.

I ordered some make up and make up brushes from E.L.F. For you who do not not what it is it is make up from the U.K. I will have them in about 7-14 working days, hopefully I get them next week.

The week before, we had a volleyball contest against another class in Solna. As I said in my earlier post we played all night and in the morning we went back to my place because Joen&Samuel lives to far away and the trains didn't go that time. So it was me, Sandra, Joen and Samuel went to my place and we all lived together in 2 DAYS!!

But is was fun, would actually do it again. <3

Here is the stuff I ordered:

one light pressed powder

one more dark toned pressed powder

Facial make-up brush

Smudge brush

Eyeshadow brush

A smaller eyeshadow brush

2 pressed bronze powder with glitter in it

Mineral booster powder, that gives you the flawless look


Facial spray that keeps the make up last long


Gel/powder for the eyebrows if you want them to look perfect!

That is the stuff I have ordered. Looking forward to get them! :D


Monday, December 12, 2011



I haven't been able to update on the blog because I forgot my laptop in my school and the ones that I got home really sucks.. I have just been surviving on the wifi and my cellphone (yey!) haha, it worked pretty slow but it is still something. Can't live without Facebook u know? ;)

Anyways, I have been sick almost the whole week, it was awful.. :(
But know I am healthy again and I am in school right now and blogging. Today it is a special day in school, because our school is celabrating 10 years and the owner of Spotify is coming here also, he was a student once in my school, so that is kinda cool, lol.

Then we will play volleyball tonight, it is going to be so much fun, I totally forgot about it and a friend of mine remind me today about it. We are going to play volleyball all night against another school and we will have a day off tomorrow when we are on this game.

Last week on Monday I went with my friends and we saw In time, I also have seen Breaking dawn with my brother under the weekend (before monday) so it was pretty good movies, I liked them.


Sunday, December 4, 2011

The reason why I haven't updated

As I said earlier I will tell you guys why I haven't been able to update. The main reason was that I was depressed. I am in a middle of a grief process after my father died and everything is coming up right now.. Before I could handle it pretty good but now, I feel devastated. It has only gone one and a half month since he passed away and honestly I don't feel like I want to do anything in my life anymore. I have hit my break-point and I feel so crushed, I don't even have the energy to continue on with my regular bases.

I have not even returned my friends messages or phonecalls, I am really like THAT deppressed..

I also feel sorry for them because I think that they don't deserve to suffer from all this.. So thats why I always have forced a smile on my face and seemed so happy like nothing has ever happend (I am actually really good at it)..

I love my friends to death, I could actually give my own life to some of them if I really had to, I wouldn't hesitate for one second!

I had a meeting with the scool about my father passed away and what they could do to help me to we came up with a good plan. I told them that there will be some days that I wont come to school because I am so deppressed and some days when I feel better I will try. They said that I could come anytime I wanted, the most important thing right now is that I feel good, the rest can I take later.

So it feels really good that I don't have this pressure and stress on myself as I had before when I thought of the school and all the work I will miss. I never cried or show them that I was upset, but at the meeting they saw me cry for the first time. The tears just came..

I love my teachers, they are so nice and supportive, I will have someone to talk to, so it feels good to have that support, and also I get all the support from my classmates and friends, LOVE U ALL! <3

These two days I have had anxiety, scared emotions and just sadness.. After the meeting with the school I went to my fathers grave with my mother and I just cried, cried and cried.. Everything just came out..

Also yesterday, I cried at 5 in the morning, I woke my sister up and said that I wasn't feeling so well, so she comforted me and we talked a little bit about it, then I went back to sleep..

We'll see if I go to school tomorrow, it depends on my mood, I hope that I feel kind of fine because I miss all of my friends.. :(

I hope you read it all, it was a long text..


A "half-photo session" from Wednsday

Hi everyone!

Me and Natta, we hung-out from Tuesday to Wednsday. I totally missed her because from that point we haven't seen each other for 3 weeks so it felt really good. We were just talking about stuff, catched up a little bit with some gossip and just relaxed.

We were planning on drinking a bit but I was not feeling very well so we skipped it. Anyways, we got bored, so we started to do our make-up just for the lols and then we came across my black lipstick that I haven't used for like YEARS?!? 

We bought also apples dipped in candy when we was in the city. It was so good but it never ended, we freaking licked the apples all the way home but still, it wasn't FINISHED!!

But we took some awesome pictures with them as well.

We just took some really cool pictures (except for some I really looked weird so I delited my face on them) so here they are: 

Natta <3
Evil me >:)
So beutiful, love this pic! <3
HA-HA, u cannot see my face!
Natta lookes really happy about her candy apple! :D
Lick it! ;)
Took this picture in the city, btw, the candy apple was actually that red! :D
Haha, so sweet, on the way to the subway!<3
We like to lick things... O.O!
Cool pic, I liked this one on me! :)
nomnomnom <3

Looking forward to see my bestfriend next week on Tuesday, and she is going to stay over also. Yey! :D



Hello everyone!
Lol, I totally forgot to post this one up, I haven't closed this window because I thought that I would post it later, but wow, it was over a week ago I would actually do that! D;

I got a alot to update here, so I will not take everything at the same time, going to put it up on the blog but for diffirent post so that u guys wont get confused. 
Anyways, I have had a lot going on these days, so I have my reasons of why I didn't update my blog.. But I am going to share that with u guys soon..

Here is some pictures of my fur hat I bought from H&M:

Me in my hat, and my blonde hairlights

Love my hat <3
"I just wanna live fast, party hard, make money, be a star
Boys at every show with their clothes on the dance floor.
We dont care, we dont care, we dont care,
If we live through THE WEEKEND. Live fast, die young."

The song of the day.