Sunday, December 25, 2011

Wanna dissappear sometimes..

People keep telling me to be strong
I tell them that I am 
life has to move on 
I can't be sad all the time and greve 
at the same time when people are telling me to be strong
they complain and say
"you seem to be very happy, you don't look that sad.."
Well, here is the proof for you
I am NOT that strong 
I am NOT always happy 
to be completly honest with you I don't think that I will be ever that happy as I was once
I try to move on
trying so hard
but you will NEVER understand how it feels
unless til' you lose someone that stands you really close
especially when no one in your family understands you
except for this one person
The one person only
My dad..
I miss him so much 
not a day goes by without thinking of him 
but the only memories that haunts me is seeing him dead
laying there ice cold with the most beutiful smile on his lips
burying his body and see my brother carrying him in the chest without showing any emotions..
will ever understand this pain I walk around with all the time
I struggle with these emotions everyday and I don't want to show them either
I am NOT looking for sympathy or anything like that
Just try to understand..
I am not a robot, I do have feelings
But I do not show them, thats all..

Picture taken from yesterday.. Cried in the toilet, didn't wanna ruin christmas for anyone. So I hide, cried, went back with a big smile on my face and a broken heart inside..

Just wanna go, leave everything and never come back..

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