As I said earlier I will tell you guys why I haven't been able to update. The main reason was that I was depressed. I am in a middle of a grief process after my father died and everything is coming up right now.. Before I could handle it pretty good but now, I feel devastated. It has only gone one and a half month since he passed away and honestly I don't feel like I want to do anything in my life anymore. I have hit my break-point and I feel so crushed, I don't even have the energy to continue on with my regular bases.
I have not even returned my friends messages or phonecalls, I am really like THAT deppressed..
I also feel sorry for them because I think that they don't deserve to suffer from all this.. So thats why I always have forced a smile on my face and seemed so happy like nothing has ever happend (I am actually really good at it)..
I love my friends to death, I could actually give my own life to some of them if I really had to, I wouldn't hesitate for one second!
I had a meeting with the scool about my father passed away and what they could do to help me to we came up with a good plan. I told them that there will be some days that I wont come to school because I am so deppressed and some days when I feel better I will try. They said that I could come anytime I wanted, the most important thing right now is that I feel good, the rest can I take later.
So it feels really good that I don't have this pressure and stress on myself as I had before when I thought of the school and all the work I will miss. I never cried or show them that I was upset, but at the meeting they saw me cry for the first time. The tears just came..
I love my teachers, they are so nice and supportive, I will have someone to talk to, so it feels good to have that support, and also I get all the support from my classmates and friends, LOVE U ALL! <3
These two days I have had anxiety, scared emotions and just sadness.. After the meeting with the school I went to my fathers grave with my mother and I just cried, cried and cried.. Everything just came out..
Also yesterday, I cried at 5 in the morning, I woke my sister up and said that I wasn't feeling so well, so she comforted me and we talked a little bit about it, then I went back to sleep..
We'll see if I go to school tomorrow, it depends on my mood, I hope that I feel kind of fine because I miss all of my friends.. :(
I hope you read it all, it was a long text..