Sunday, December 4, 2011

The reason why I haven't updated

As I said earlier I will tell you guys why I haven't been able to update. The main reason was that I was depressed. I am in a middle of a grief process after my father died and everything is coming up right now.. Before I could handle it pretty good but now, I feel devastated. It has only gone one and a half month since he passed away and honestly I don't feel like I want to do anything in my life anymore. I have hit my break-point and I feel so crushed, I don't even have the energy to continue on with my regular bases.

I have not even returned my friends messages or phonecalls, I am really like THAT deppressed..

I also feel sorry for them because I think that they don't deserve to suffer from all this.. So thats why I always have forced a smile on my face and seemed so happy like nothing has ever happend (I am actually really good at it)..

I love my friends to death, I could actually give my own life to some of them if I really had to, I wouldn't hesitate for one second!

I had a meeting with the scool about my father passed away and what they could do to help me to we came up with a good plan. I told them that there will be some days that I wont come to school because I am so deppressed and some days when I feel better I will try. They said that I could come anytime I wanted, the most important thing right now is that I feel good, the rest can I take later.

So it feels really good that I don't have this pressure and stress on myself as I had before when I thought of the school and all the work I will miss. I never cried or show them that I was upset, but at the meeting they saw me cry for the first time. The tears just came..

I love my teachers, they are so nice and supportive, I will have someone to talk to, so it feels good to have that support, and also I get all the support from my classmates and friends, LOVE U ALL! <3

These two days I have had anxiety, scared emotions and just sadness.. After the meeting with the school I went to my fathers grave with my mother and I just cried, cried and cried.. Everything just came out..

Also yesterday, I cried at 5 in the morning, I woke my sister up and said that I wasn't feeling so well, so she comforted me and we talked a little bit about it, then I went back to sleep..

We'll see if I go to school tomorrow, it depends on my mood, I hope that I feel kind of fine because I miss all of my friends.. :(

I hope you read it all, it was a long text..



  1. aw :c det känns tomt utan dig i skolan, speciellt i samklassen eftersom att jag typ alltid är ensam tjej xD hoppas du mår bättre snart så du kan komma tillbaka till skolan oftare för jag saknar dig och din humor och att du fattar min humor är typ fett awesome (: love you :* <333 //mandiieee

  2. ååh lill tjejen! Så mycket duhar gått genom och jag lovar att bättre tider kommer snart. Jag tycker verkligen att vi borde träffas när jag är i stockholm :) Tänker på dig <3