Sunday, June 30, 2013

Party Hard And You Get A Hangover. Obviously..

Hi sweethearts <3 

Sorry for not updating but I have been very busy. I had to pack stuff and I moved out. So now I live with my sister. So this whole week I wasn't able to see anyone until now actually. Yesterday I went out with my sister and the whole crew and I met Natta later on. :)

Me and Natta went to Lion Bar and got shitless drunk. It was fun, since the drinks and shots were so cheap I got really drunk. I feel  like shit, I slept all day and I am hungover as hell, I guess you get what you deserve? 

Here is some pictures from yesterday - 

Imagine that, 10x if not more, lol.  
We started with this at bar 08 before we went to Lion Bar.

Some pictures on my facelook from yesterday. hihi. :*

Monday, June 24, 2013

Going To Move Out And Start A New Chapter.

Hi sweethearts <3 

These past few days has been a big rollercoaster for me. Shitloads with things has happened and I can't stay here anymore. I am going to move far away from here and Botkyrka. I am excited but at the same time I am scared. Damn, it is a big change. I haven't moved ever in my whole life. I have been living in this shithole my entire life and now I am going to move. It feels so suddenly, like this decision and all the things that have been happening came out of nowhere.

I haven't had time to spend time with my friends since I cleaned the kitchen (seriously, it was so fucking nasty) and I got so tired since it took me over 2 hours just to do the dishes and clean the kitchen table (I almost puked, no wonder why I don't eat there).
My room is a hot mess, but I am going to do my laundry tomorrow and after that I will clean up my room and start packing stuff. At first I am going to live with my sister, don't know for how long but I don't think that it will take that long.

After that I am moving, it is just going to be me and my mum. My brother and my rommate is going to live in another place. My sister is the one that got an apartment of her own and I am going to stay with her before I am going to greece and after being at greece we are officially changing this apartment that I live in right now in to a smaller one.

But then it's just going to be me and my mum living in there and the boys move on. Time for a new change, a new page, a new chapter. 

Here is an old picture of me. 

I am sorry, I am planning to update and take new fancy pictures and upload them  here in the blog for you guys. But as you can see, that had to be on hold.. But this is only temporary, so stay tuned sweeties! <3

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Cry Baby and Midsummer.

Hi sweethearts <3 

As you all know it was Midsummer yesterday. It was also one of the worst days of my life, honestly. When you don't think that things in life could get any worse, it does, even if it feels impossible it gets a big turn down.

I will not live here anymore. I cannot live with my brother and my rommate. I have to leave. I will move in to my sister next week and live there for 3 months. Very mixed up emotions about that. But grateful, think this will be a very good thing for me.
My midsummer has littertly been crap. But I got drunk late on the night and got decent drunk. That was nice, to come away from all the hard emotions after a long, long day.

I even talked to Kimberly, one of my closest and best friends, she made me realize there is more to life than what it is. She lights things up for me when things are the most darkest. This is one of the hardest times in my life I am going through and yes, I am scared. I don't know what will happend and so on.
 But thats life I guess. 

Well, today I am going to chill out. Am a bit hangover. So I will watch a movie called "Cry Baby", it is an awesome, cool vintage feeling to it and it was when Johnny Depp was very young and sexy (still is). ;) 

Source: Tumblr.

If you are a big fan of Johny Depp or wants to see a real good movie about the society diffrences, racism, rockabilly music and love, I would stronly recommend it to you. :*

Edit: No, it is not in Black and White, the movie is in colour. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

I got a war on my mind.

Hi sweeties <3 

About the post below, things in my life have been very stressful to me and it is not getting any better, only worse. My situation at home is now totally fucked up. I hate my brother and my stupid roomie, they can go both and rot in hell. Fucking potheads. So selfish and ignorant. Dont trust these kind of people, they will only bullshit you, even your own goddamn blood will for a piece of shit bud.

Thats why I fucking quit. I making a confession. I was addicted to that, but I stopped since it wasn't doing any good to me and now that I see how my "dear" brother and my fucktard to roomate are, I realize I must have been the same selfish asshole when I was smoking myself. And no, I am not talking about ciggarettes.

This shit costs your money and your mental state. WEED IS NOT GOOD. I can't believe I am saying that but IT ISN'T.

The people who smokes and all like "woow, its organic, less worse than alcohol and not addicting. You feel great" and so on and so on.
That is honestly just a self defense because you ARE addicted to it and you are constanly trying to lie to yourself AND others that it is good but it isn't. That is just bullshit. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

Until, one day, I just stopped. I felt so ill, mostly mentally. I got anxiety/panic because of it!!
And constant paranoia.

I will never touch that stuff again. Ever. 

Because of that, I don't have any food at home, I am broke and got big mental issues and causes my so called "family" troubles. Fuck it.

I think that I may delete this post. I usually don't but I am actually sharing very sensitive and personal information here. But I have to get it out of my system. I have to.

Sorry about all this negative commotion here on the blog lately. But I am honest to you my dear readers and you inspire me so much, love y'all. Never forget that. <3

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Hate my own guts sometimes

Blogging from ny cellphone since my Internet at home dont work atm.

I Hate myself, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me???
I push away People around me that I love. I always want to be alone and even I Dont know why.
I am NOT fucking normal. People are out there, swimming, having a bbq or just being social with each other.

Yet here I am, wining about it and push away the Ones I love and I really dont understand why, which gives me actually no right to complain and yet I am doing it.

So filled with different emotions. I will not accomplish anything here in life. I am fucked. Worst part is I am making it all by myself.
I dont have any energy to pull myself up. I am so broken in so many ways that even I dont understand. I am a horrible person and I WILL end up alone.

I am nothing and I will not accomplish anything..

Tuesday, June 18, 2013


OMG, can't believe it. They are coming to Stockholm, Gröna Lund.
I don't know if I am honestly going to go there but I would love to see them but the thing is that me + big crowds = NOT GOOD.

I love concerts but it just that over 2000+ people is coming and I cant imagine being in the middle of all those people without getting panic attacks or anxiety. Seriously, that's why I like smaller concerts with not so big bands/artist. And 30 sec 2 mars is one of the worlds biggest bands besides the entrance isn't expensive so it's going to be shitloads of people there and Gröna Lund isn't a big place to room so many people so I don't dare to imagine whats its going to be like, lol.

I would probably faint or die from the lack air.

Anyways here is some videos and pictures of them if you haven't heard or seen their music videos (which are epic) -

The first video is from their latest album and the last video is a much older song (yet great) and video.

I love this band, it is one of my favorite bands and I am soo in love with Jared Leto.
 He is my future husband, he just doesn't know that yet. ;) 

Jared Leto, why so hot?? :< 
This is from the musicvideo Hurricane with Jared. Mmm, wouldn't say no to that.. <3 

I can't decide if I am going there or not. I have also been looking forward to it for quite a long time. But I just go with what my guts tells me to do, I take that tomorrow, not now.


Hi guys! <3

I finally did it. I fixed my design on the blog and got pleased with my header for once. I thought that the blog needed a real facelift and it was so much things going on so I wanted to keep it simpel, elegant, classy, dark and personal.
I think that I managed to do that this time. I haven't been this happy about the design for ages, and it was about time!

The thought with the photoshoot with the war bonnet (you can see the pictures by clicking HERE) was to do something like this with the header. Have something spiritual, personal and reflect me at the same time. Told you sweeties that this was going to be a killer-badass design. ;)

Some of you might find it confusing about the hand and the eye so I thought I am going to share it with you guys the depth and the meaning of this symbol. I am summing this up since there is tons of information, but it is a universal symbol actually.

About the symbol - It is called hamsa or fatima hand and it is for protection and keeps you protected from the evil eye. It is very common and originally from Middle East and North Africa (I am from Morocco, which is in North Africa) and the symbol spread around the world.
It came to the Christians and the Jews as well. The christian call it The Hand Of Virgin Mary.

Even in Buddhism and greek mythologi the hand with the eye is known for boost fertility and lactation, promote healthy pregnancies, and strengthen the weak. And acknowledge.

Then I edited it to make it a bit of a personal touch so I added a dream catcher and the eye is in the middle of the dreamcatcher of the hand. My own idea and creativity, as I said, it reflects my believe and my personality. 

So, overall, what do you think about the design and header? 

Monday, June 17, 2013


Hi honey's ! <3 

Omg, I cannot believe that I am going to Zakynthos with my bestfriend Natta and our friend Alicia (she is the one who has a house there). I am sooo excited, I cannot wait until we arrive there and just have a good fucking time since I deserve it!! :O

It will be a craazy trip, I can feel it on me, hehe. 

Anyways here is some pictures that I wanted to share with you that I've found on Google. Be amazed and get jealous - 


I will be going the 12th July and I will be there for 11 days then come back. ;)

Weight Gainer / Gym / Motivation.

Hi sweeties <3 

Today I was at the gym for the first time in months (!!). It felt so good to be back there and I was pushing myself and worked really hard today, but I started with the smallest weights ofc. I am not that stupid to go with hard weights and push hard all at once when  you are barely fit.
I am thin, not fit, so please do not mix up those 2 things. 

Before I went to the gym I decided to buy this once and for all, a weight gainer. I know that this isn't something that replaces anything and these are actually meant for those who are "bulking up" or really workout very hard with strenghts and weights to build the muscles.
But the reason I bought one is because I try to eat a lot (which is NOT easy at all as many people think it is) and I cannot gain one single pound. It sucks!! 
I want to have a little bit more curves and most important of all, being healthy. To have a BMI on 15,3 is not healthy, it is dangorous underweight while a normal BMI is on 19..

I bought mine from a store called LIFE. The reason why I choose their weight gainer is because the store is a  health store and sell mostly stuff that is natural and good for your body. I searched online and especially on these famous fitness websites such as fitnessguru, gymgrossisten etc.
But all their gainers/proteins was either mixed up with Creatine (that is not good imo) and Aspartam (which can cause CANCER very easily!!) I was not impresed at all with the ingredients.
Those ones were filled with crap and I did a research for every single ingredient in the description to see what is is and what it is used for and etc.

The best one must definatley be LIFE's weight gainer. It doesn't include shitloads with ingredients and I did a research for every one and it only contained good stuff that was natural and this one must be the purest weight gainer that I've ever found. Even their protein and recovery's are pure.
It is from their own brand and they prevent the drug and the dope in the industry and every krona (penny, cent etc) goes to the elit club organisation, good huh¨? :D

I felt great and I have still shitloads with energy, lol. ;) 

Here is some inspiration/motivation for y'all - 

The last picture is actually very true. I experienced it myself today that my anxiety/panic was less harsh as it used to be otherwise. Sometimes it really takes over, so when I worked out it kind of realesed it. 

Monday, June 10, 2013

Lana Del Rey Makeup Look, Results!

Hi everyone! <3

I watched a makeup tutorial today and I've found the best one that I've seen for a long time on Lana Del Rey's makeup. So I got bored and I tried it. I actually used totally different products than this video below but I used the similiar techniques as this girl does in the video. I personally think it really looks a lot like her makeup,

I love Lana Del Rey so I had to give it a try. ;)

Here is the results of my attempt of this look -

Here is the products that I've used -

Face -

  • Rimmel match perfection foundation in the shade Soft Beige 
  • Concealer pallette that I've bought from Ebay
  • As contour I used Pinkey Swoon by MAC 
  • As blush I used Minerilized Blush in the shade Dainty
  • ELF Mineral Booster (used this to set the foundation)

Eyes -
  • Naked 2 pallette in the color Tease 
  • Some random small eye-pallette, the three ones on the picture to the right
  • ELF eyelid primer 
  • Eyebrow gel from H&M 
  • Rimmel eyebrow pencil in Darkbrown
  • Seventeen liquid eyeliner pencil in Black 
  • Mascara 2000 calorie dramatic volume
  • ELF squad eyeshadow in Drama
  • Rimmel eyeshadow traffic stopping

Lips -
  • Viva la Diva lipliner in the color Nude
  • Viva la Diva lipstick in Cream 

Brushes - 
  • ELF total-face brush 
  • ELF contouring blush 
  • Kicks blush brush
  • Barry M. eyeshadow brush 
  • Barry M. concealer brush 
  • Some random eyebrow brush 
  • Ecotools foundation brush 
  • ELF eyecrease brush 
  • Adriana concealer brush (used it for blending out the concealer)

Hope you enjoyed this look and please leave a comment below if you have any questions or just some feedback on the makeup.