Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Hate my own guts sometimes

Blogging from ny cellphone since my Internet at home dont work atm.

I Hate myself, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me???
I push away People around me that I love. I always want to be alone and even I Dont know why.
I am NOT fucking normal. People are out there, swimming, having a bbq or just being social with each other.

Yet here I am, wining about it and push away the Ones I love and I really dont understand why, which gives me actually no right to complain and yet I am doing it.

So filled with different emotions. I will not accomplish anything here in life. I am fucked. Worst part is I am making it all by myself.
I dont have any energy to pull myself up. I am so broken in so many ways that even I dont understand. I am a horrible person and I WILL end up alone.

I am nothing and I will not accomplish anything..

1 comment:

  1. Well it has been exactly 8 months to the day that you wrote this, and I just so happened to stumble upon it today.

    I don't know you, I have never even been on this site before, but I have been reading some of your posts this morning. (I was looking for a background picture of hamsa, and it led me to your site)

    I hope that you are feeling a lot happier now, and that you don't feel so down anymore.

    While I was reading this it was like I was reading my high school journal. About 7 years ago I was feeling the exact same way as you.
    The reason I was pushing so many people away and feeling like shit all the time is so cliche.

    But I really did not feel like I deserved them. Then one day I woke up, alone, with no bf, no real friends, no job or money, nothing.
    Just my family. I realized that morning that I was going to be just fine. My family is very dysfunctional, but that is what makes us who we are.

    I got over my bullshit attitude towards life, and realized that they most important thing is for me to be happy. 100% Happiness!!! That's it.

    Yeah I still get bummy, but then I just watch some cute videos or something. I have an awesome BF now who is the best thing I could ask for.
    I also have a good, full time job so I am making money, and it gives me something to do.

    Life is awesome now because I let it be that way.

    So, I hope that where ever you are, and whatever you are doing, you can realize the same.

    You deserve to be happy, and loved. You should have an awesome life full of peace, and love, and freedoms.

    I hope you're happy :)

    xo Sarah.