Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Am So Done With Partying.

Hi sweeties ! <3 

How are you all doing? If you ask me, I could have had better days to be completely honest. I have had a lot on my mind and recently, anxiety. I can't even remember when the last time I had this sort of anxiety since it has gone quite some time since I had it. Atleast I know what have triggered it.
If you have been following me for some time, maybe even since I started my blog you will know that the New Years Eve is my favorite holiday of the year. You gather around with your friends and celebrate, out with the old, in with the new.

I actually think overall that 2014 was a great year, accomplished more than I could have imagined, not in a career way but more spiritually. I have grown and I have learned and I have gotten a lot better mentally since I was starting to see someone. I can honestly say I am quite proud of myself, I don't care if no one sees any "changes" just because I don't talk or brag about them doesn't mean they are not there. I like to keep those types of things for myself because every goddamn time I mention about something positive I've done I swear to god someone is putting a negative eye on things because some people can't handle that you are climbing up so that is also why I just keep my mouth shut and just do things without mentioning it to anyone, not even to my family at times.

Anyways, starting to get a bit of topic here, lol. This NYE has SUCKED ASS. It wasn't that bad at first, I truly had a great time at the begging of the night but towards midnight and after that everything pretty much went downhill. I never in my life felt like such a loser, it felt like my so called "friends" looked down on me and it felt like I was just in the way all the time and it also felt like they didn't want me there in the first place for some strange reasons. Good friends huh? Yeah right. It hurts like fuck though, like really bad, I known all of them for 4 years now and we have been through EVERYTHING together and just like that, over a night, so much things can change, they have changed and NOT in a good way. I am not saying that they are suppose to be perfect because I am seriously the least judgemental person you will ever meet, but honestly, when I actually feel and see that someone is truly changed and not for the better and only for the worse, believe me on that one.
I technically lost all of my friends during one night, I just saw something in them that triggered a very dark side of me and I've had struggles with in the past (they know this) and it hurt me so much to see them, my thought "this is a start of a living hell" because I've been there and done that, so I decided to leave and never look back until they stop whatever the hell they are up to... It is fucked up and also funny how life works sometimes, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I am not going to go in to much about the details though and I won't mention any names because I am not childish, just needed to get this out of my chest because it has been like a really heavy burden to walk around with this anxiety that I've experienced these past 2 weeks now.

Had I known that any of this would end like the way it did or it turned out to be that fucking bad I just would've rather stayed home, eating and drinking infront of my computer while playing League Of Legends...

I never did any New Years Resolutions but I have now and here they are  - 

  • Meet new people and make new friends 
  • travel to london atleast 1 time this year 
  • be a better blogger 
  • take more pictures once I get my camera fixed ! 
  • start school again and study up my grades 
  • Cut down on the cigarettes
  • apreciate the ones that are truly there for me 

You know how a pictures says more than a thousands words? These picture made me want to make this blogpost in the first place and they are soo accurate. 

All pictures used in this blogpost are from weheartit,com

Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Year !

Hi sweeties <33

I know it has been ages since I updated and a lot of you is still visiting me and that is crazy ! I haven't been updating for months now but I have had a lot on mind (as usual) and the blog hasn't been a priority, but since it is now 2015 and it is a new year I thought I might as well do and update now.

I have bought a new computer which is awesome but I haven't fixed my camera yet so I have to do that as soon as I get the money for it. What has happened lately? Well, a lot of things. I have gone through changes, both bad and good ones but all of them came with valueble lessons and I have learned/grown a lot during 2014.

Also the first thing I see when I get here on my blog is a lot of hate from anons out ot nowhere, lol, you know what ? 1 good comment washes away 100 of negatives ones, seriously. If you don't like my blog don't be a hater, just leave and don't come back, simple as that. I am not going to change for anyone and this is MY blog, I am not forcing anyone to read it so if you don't like what you see just please leave, it is that simple. If the hate keeps coming I just mark them as spam and those comments will go directly to the spam category and I never have to see them again, just an FYI for the haters, I am not gonna break a sweat over it.
To the lovely and loyal followers to my blog, lots of love to you and I know you see the hate and are trying to defend me, thank you, I appreciate it but you know what, don't feed the haters, just ignore them as much as you can, if you feel uncomfortable to read them I will delete all of it so no one can see them ever again. Yes, it is possible because the computer is reading the IP adress and will block the haters completely from coming in to my blog ever.

Also for the ones that expect this blog to be perfect and wonderful -

Anyways, enough about the negative commotion that has been going around here. I feel a lot better, I have really been focusing on myself this year that has been and I am much stronger than I ever been before. I am going to pick up the pace up here on the blog so no worries lovelies. I hope you all had a great new year and I wish you all the best and thank you for supporting me, it means a lot and tons of kisses to you. <3 

Here is some new pictures taken from December, just some updated ones.. 

This was my new years evening outfit