Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I Am So Done With Partying.

Hi sweeties ! <3 

How are you all doing? If you ask me, I could have had better days to be completely honest. I have had a lot on my mind and recently, anxiety. I can't even remember when the last time I had this sort of anxiety since it has gone quite some time since I had it. Atleast I know what have triggered it.
If you have been following me for some time, maybe even since I started my blog you will know that the New Years Eve is my favorite holiday of the year. You gather around with your friends and celebrate, out with the old, in with the new.

I actually think overall that 2014 was a great year, accomplished more than I could have imagined, not in a career way but more spiritually. I have grown and I have learned and I have gotten a lot better mentally since I was starting to see someone. I can honestly say I am quite proud of myself, I don't care if no one sees any "changes" just because I don't talk or brag about them doesn't mean they are not there. I like to keep those types of things for myself because every goddamn time I mention about something positive I've done I swear to god someone is putting a negative eye on things because some people can't handle that you are climbing up so that is also why I just keep my mouth shut and just do things without mentioning it to anyone, not even to my family at times.

Anyways, starting to get a bit of topic here, lol. This NYE has SUCKED ASS. It wasn't that bad at first, I truly had a great time at the begging of the night but towards midnight and after that everything pretty much went downhill. I never in my life felt like such a loser, it felt like my so called "friends" looked down on me and it felt like I was just in the way all the time and it also felt like they didn't want me there in the first place for some strange reasons. Good friends huh? Yeah right. It hurts like fuck though, like really bad, I known all of them for 4 years now and we have been through EVERYTHING together and just like that, over a night, so much things can change, they have changed and NOT in a good way. I am not saying that they are suppose to be perfect because I am seriously the least judgemental person you will ever meet, but honestly, when I actually feel and see that someone is truly changed and not for the better and only for the worse, believe me on that one.
I technically lost all of my friends during one night, I just saw something in them that triggered a very dark side of me and I've had struggles with in the past (they know this) and it hurt me so much to see them, my thought "this is a start of a living hell" because I've been there and done that, so I decided to leave and never look back until they stop whatever the hell they are up to... It is fucked up and also funny how life works sometimes, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I am not going to go in to much about the details though and I won't mention any names because I am not childish, just needed to get this out of my chest because it has been like a really heavy burden to walk around with this anxiety that I've experienced these past 2 weeks now.

Had I known that any of this would end like the way it did or it turned out to be that fucking bad I just would've rather stayed home, eating and drinking infront of my computer while playing League Of Legends...

I never did any New Years Resolutions but I have now and here they are  - 

  • Meet new people and make new friends 
  • travel to london atleast 1 time this year 
  • be a better blogger 
  • take more pictures once I get my camera fixed ! 
  • start school again and study up my grades 
  • Cut down on the cigarettes
  • apreciate the ones that are truly there for me 

You know how a pictures says more than a thousands words? These picture made me want to make this blogpost in the first place and they are soo accurate. 

All pictures used in this blogpost are from weheartit,com

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