Sunday, September 13, 2015


Hi sweeties, how are you all doing? <3 

If you would ask me I would say that I have a bumpy road ahead of me. When I came back from London everything seemed fine for a while there but then I've noticed things been going down and pretty quickly without me even doing anything besides trying to keep up with everything but somehow , oh the sweet salty irony so called life just decided to stir in the pot for me... I didn't get the job... Which sucks big time ! I don't understand, I am trying not to get bitter over it either but how come that EVERYONE I know gets the most simple job just by applying to it and not lifting a finger but when I do it and like literally going all in I don't get a shit? Honestly it feels very unfair, I fight SO HARD to get  a job and I apply to all kind of different ones but I don't get anything, not even contacted... But when anyone other besides ME do that they get the job as easily as an blink of an eye, I just can't wrap my head around it... So fucking unfair... 

Also , another super unfair thing happened to me which I so did not deserve but of course, if you are me you are cursed for life of bad luck and that has dragged me down even more.. I am really trying to keep my shit together and try to be positive but it is SO HARD, especially when I get crap for what I do not deserve to get for... I am mad and a bit bitter , yes. Will I get over it? No, not really but I will try. I have been thinking, what if I just stop giving a fuck so much and stop trying so hard and actually do what I want to do?? I mean I am unemployed and as it looks like I won't be getting a job anytime soon so meanwhile I might do something like YouTube. I know that Halloween is coming up so how about doing something fun  for you my followers and making a tutorial ? Maybe even regular videos like get ready with me?  I might even start to video blogging, not that my life is so rich and things happen all that much but it would be more like you hanging out with me on an basic day and I get to talk to you more in-depth about whatever is on my mind.. I don't know, I have a lot of ideas but the only thing that keeps me away from doing it is 1. my camera doesn't have an auto focus unfortunately and 2. I get kind of shy and awkward 3. I feel kind of uncomfortable talking English to a camera in my own home because that might rise questions from my brother and he will think I am crazy which leads to point 2.  I might even start to paint again and I mean like taking classes or something just to get out there and meet other art interested people would be fun. I want to also start to photograph. Honestly I got so many ideas but I don't know where to begin and I lack kind of motivation to even get started with any of it. I want to but then when I am about to I just go "meh.". You know what I am sayin'? Or is it just me being really weird ? (as usual..) 

I am going to meet a school guidance tomorrow and see where my chances are there, I met another one not to long ago but she didn't work for the community and she gave me pretty bad news so I've decided to deal with this issue once and for all and talk to the ones who in the community and are the head of knowledge and are the ones who are taking care of applications for school etc. and see what they have to say. I am apparently a hard case to crack so I think they are the ones with the answers to my questions and my job coach are going to join me tomorrow so we shall see how it goes.. I also need to talk to my job coach about certain recent events that I am not pleased with and see if she has any suggestions and might help me with my issues that I am experiencing at the moment.

Wish me luck babes and I talk to you soon, take care now. :* <3 

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