Saturday, October 3, 2015

What A Crazy Week


Hi sweethearts <3 

Thought about writing here since I got so many people worried about my previous blogposts, sorry to disappoint you haters, but I am very much alive, lol. This week has been SOOO crazy emotionally, not gonna lie, I still do not feel fully recovered and I am still kind of traumatized since my latest blogpost. That was seriously a mad breaking point for me, I literally hit the wall mentally. I have been under a lot of pressure lately and the thing is with me I always let it build up and build up and build up and then without any notice, BOOM, I turn in to an emotional wreck, all the feelings that I kept bottled up inside for such a long time is coming out all at once! It was just too much to handle, I am still dealing with all the emotions cause they've been pouring out from time to time ever since. I guess I need to get it out of my system, it sucks to feel this way but I think it will be very much needed. See it as a big cleanse of all the negativity that has been eating up inside of me for such a  long time  is getting out, slowly but steady. When that is done I can bounce back again to myself because of right now, I don't really feel like myself. Not fully at least. I am gonna get there though, just need to give it some time. Also, my mum comes home tomorrow, WOW, after 2 months of being gone, wohoo......... (It will equal tons of stress and pressure, yaayy, how fun, just what I needed right now). 

Anyways, I have been pampering myself up, bleaching my hair , or at least the outgrown part, grooming myself, fixing my brows, I've put on some self-tanner so now I look like a bronzed goddess with my super pale hair, also I fixed my nails. You know just the details but the details matter though because the detalis makes the entire picture comes together imo. Also, yesterday I was at my bf's place, yeah... It went fine , thought it would go a lot worse since when I was so messed up I talked to him over the phone the night before and let me just say - things shouldn't have been said at that time and I was kind of  mean.... So I guess I just had to suit myself and face the consequences. At the same time though I didn't mean any of the things I said because at that point I was so frantic and suicidal so yeah... Hard to think straight or even give a fuck about anything other than yourself so I do not feel sorry about that, buuut I do feel sorry for certain things I said. Everything is solved now, more or less, I feel kind of relieved of that problem being out of my world so I can focus on dealing with other sorts of issues/  pressure that I have going on. It is a lot, so it is hard to keep up with your emotions at the same time as I am handling all this pressure but I am gonna do my best to keep things together, at least try my very best.

BTW - I am thinking about doing a blogpost about depression, anxiety and panic, trying to explain for those who do not really understand it in the best way that I can and something that you can do when you are feeling low or anxiety/panic is triggering you and what you can do to kind of calm down. I think it would be good, especially from someone (like myself) is suffering from it and that you can actually relate and know that if the tricks work for me I am pretty sure they will work on you as well. It is just things that I have learned during the years and has helped me a lot , also something to inspire you when you need it the most. I think about dividing it into 3 pieces, 1 - What you need to know about depression, anxiety and panic. 2. How to deal with depression, anxiety and panic (tips / tricks) 3. motivation for those who suffer from these conditions. What do you think, do you want me to do these ? Let me know if that is something y'all would be interested in because I could definitely do that for you lovelies. <3 





Some pictures I took a while back ago but never posted them, bare face, natural hair and apparently, tits half way out , enjoy  - 



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