Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Optimism

Hi sweethearts <3 

I just wanted to check in here, thought it was about time lol. I don't honestly know what to write about today, I snapped a few pictures with my camera during Saturday since I was going out and I looked BOMB AF and was totally feelin' myself so I thought why not? Besides, it was AGES ago since I used my camera. Lately all my pictures have been taken with my cellphone, the camera in my cellphone is great tbh but nothing can make a picture look as good as an good advanced system / compact  camera can. The only reason why I have barely been using it it is because it does not have a flip screen so I am always guessing myself forward when I take selfies. I was pro at it before , noticed I am a little bit rusty nowadays with it but hopefully I will start to use it more again. I only like to use it when I am fixed and have natural sunlight, that is when I find the pictures becomes its best. That is also one of the reasons I so rarely use it.

Sooo what's been happening in my life lately? - Well, I quit the program at the working center where I live. If you have been following me for a while you will probably know the reasons but if you don't then I will say it is because my work coach is just a waste of time and energy, same goes for the others that is working at the working center here where I live. I know that they don't actually help you find work, I know that is an responsibility you have to take yourself but they were suppose to help me find practice so I could gain some work experience and from that I could start to work because 95% of the work today requires that you have some form of working experience, including the most "basic jobs" you still need to have it. For being in the program for over 2 years now they have helped me get a practice that lasted 1 week... Like seriously no fucking joke, 2 years in the program - 1 week of practice. They earn money of having you going on their meetings, if they honestly wanted everyone to have work they would be unemployed themselves so they keep on making empty promises over and over again.. So one day I said fuck it , doesn't matter or change anything if I go the program or not. I still remain unemployed with or without their help so I might as well get rid of them and stop wasting my time and do something else and better with it.

Besides that I feel pretty good, I have starting to draw / do art again. Haven't done it in years because of various reasons. If you didn't know art was a passion of mine but it got ripped and killed away from me basically for a very long time and then all of a sudden the need to draw came back and it was here to stay. I remembered how good it felt and I missed it like crazy so I went and bought some new art gear again. I am in no way pro, I just do some work for myself but one day I might be able to post my shit up when I feel confident enough. Also, on another note, my Star Wars obsession is out of hand.. Like completely, I buy everything Kylo Ren when I see it and to say I have a crush on the man is an understatement of the year... hehehe, I need help.. 

The situation at home is somewhat weird. My older sister (half sister) moved back home with her daughter that is 3 years old.. My mum went to Turkey and gonna be there for 4 months, she seriously couldn't leave a more worse timing than this. My other older sister is pregnant with her other child so yeah, mother leaving right now is not good for shit. All the responsibility hangs on my shoulders, my older sister (the one that lives with me right now), I swear to god she is a teenager still in her head, I have to play mother to everything and everyone here, cleaning after them, doing the dishes, being in charge of the budget and make sure that everything goes around. Also, trying to keep things tidy here is impossible, I feel like a ghetto version of Cinderella you guys :((  the frustration is REAL. My summer is more or less ruined, yay. Well, I made a deal with her and she seems to be keeping her end of her bargain (much to my surprise) so that's good, I have some plans, big plans actually. I will not share them here though until it is time, what do you think it can be?  ;) ;) 


The things that goes great in my life is my connection to my friends and new people I have met, it has gone really good on that front. My friends are awesome, I love everyone of them, it has been a time since my last update that I wanted to strangle some but it is ok now. Guess they went through a lot of shit themselves but we managed, together, as always. I am happy that SOMETHING here in life is going as it should lol. Trying to be optimistic as much as possible, I finally have a cause that I fight for and I shall not give up. #warriorinmymind









Love you all my babes and take care, talk to you next time :* <3